I also realized that I would like to be a proper friend. I do remember having arguments with a few, but they were so long ago now that it seems silly to hold a grudge. And I don't even want to have grudges against anyone, truthfully. I wanted to just let go of any animosity, move on, and be happy with my life.
So in my head, I made a list of five people that I should contact and make amends with. The idea to write to them and offer my apologies for anything that went wrong came to me in the middle of the night, so I felt quite blasé about it all. It didn't seem like a big deal to just suck it up and step forward first.
The following morning, though, when I was actually faced with having to write out the words, it didn't seem like that great an idea. I thought, what if I'm just obsessing over these things and they don't even care? Or, why should I have to apologize for things that were both our faults? Or even, in one case, why should I have to be the person to take the first step in this?
They were all excuses, though. I wanted to do this because I wanted to be a better person, and over-analyzing every little thing wasn't likely to help.
So I did it. I sent out my e-mails/messages to all five of the people, explaining what I thought had gone wrong and saying that I was sorry if there was a sorry to be said.
Two of them have gotten back to me, of the five. And even if the other three never reply, I'm still glad that I made the attempt, and can think of myself as a better person for it.
Most people would choose to forget about it and move on and if you do, that's up to you. I'd encourage facing up to it, though. Honestly, I cannot tell you how very light I feel.
Getting into contact with five people I thought I should re-establish friendships with was actually one of my resolutions for this year, and it's only March! It'll feel good to tick it off the list. I've printed out the list and put it up on my wall, so hopefully everything'll be done.
Happy End of March, everyone.
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