Have you ever had those moments where you know you're being completely irrational, but go ahead and blow up at people anyway, just because it's convenient and there's no one else around? Ever thought you weren't irrational, just upset, and the whole world was conspiring against you because it's having fun with it? Have you thought that the day was going to be sunny, only to discover clouds when you push the curtains out of the way?
So basically, I've been acting a bit pregnant.
Take, for instance, a few weeks ago when I was convinced that my family hated me. Like, not just that they're mad at me or anything, but genuinely hated me. I was so upset that I rang up my best friend to tell him about it, only I ended up bawling and sobbing over the phone and he was (I'm fairly sure) trying not to laugh. And then I started acting completely depressed, which was a bit stupid, and then finally Adnan got mad and scolded me (no, really, proper chastised, I felt ashamed and everything) for being retarded. Not that I resent him or anything - I mean, looking back, I was a wee bit more emotional than warranted about an idiotic matter that doesn't seem so big in hindsight.
And then there was today, when I randomly started crying again at the kitchen table because I was just sad. I don't even know why, but I was sad. It started out a normal dinner. I was quiet, but without meaning to be. I was just listening to conversation. And then my dad gives me a funny look and asks if I'm alright, and I'm surprised, and I say that I am. A few minutes later, Mum pipes up and asks the same, and I reiterate, I'm fine.
Only then, when they'd left the table, I started tearing up out of nowhere. I got up, and by the time I'd reached my room, all the emotion had subsided.
I wish I knew why I teared up though. I mean, there weren't any onions nearby. I just felt sad.
I think I'm hormonal. Maybe I'm just sad I've hit nineteen?
Also, I've been wrestling with the fact that a friend recently decided to cut me out of his life. Without telling me. No warning. I randomly found out a couple of days ago, and now I can't decide if I should confront him or just let it be.
I'll probably let it be. This may surprise people, but I'm not really a confrontational sort of person. Seriously. Unless you're hurting someone else, I won't make an issue out of it. I really should man up a bit - why should I fight for others, not myself? Well, partly because I know it's not a big deal. I suppose I'll fight if it really meant something to me.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
Peace.
Take, for instance, a few weeks ago when I was convinced that my family hated me. Like, not just that they're mad at me or anything, but genuinely hated me. I was so upset that I rang up my best friend to tell him about it, only I ended up bawling and sobbing over the phone and he was (I'm fairly sure) trying not to laugh. And then I started acting completely depressed, which was a bit stupid, and then finally Adnan got mad and scolded me (no, really, proper chastised, I felt ashamed and everything) for being retarded. Not that I resent him or anything - I mean, looking back, I was a wee bit more emotional than warranted about an idiotic matter that doesn't seem so big in hindsight.
And then there was today, when I randomly started crying again at the kitchen table because I was just sad. I don't even know why, but I was sad. It started out a normal dinner. I was quiet, but without meaning to be. I was just listening to conversation. And then my dad gives me a funny look and asks if I'm alright, and I'm surprised, and I say that I am. A few minutes later, Mum pipes up and asks the same, and I reiterate, I'm fine.
Only then, when they'd left the table, I started tearing up out of nowhere. I got up, and by the time I'd reached my room, all the emotion had subsided.
I wish I knew why I teared up though. I mean, there weren't any onions nearby. I just felt sad.
I think I'm hormonal. Maybe I'm just sad I've hit nineteen?
Also, I've been wrestling with the fact that a friend recently decided to cut me out of his life. Without telling me. No warning. I randomly found out a couple of days ago, and now I can't decide if I should confront him or just let it be.
I'll probably let it be. This may surprise people, but I'm not really a confrontational sort of person. Seriously. Unless you're hurting someone else, I won't make an issue out of it. I really should man up a bit - why should I fight for others, not myself? Well, partly because I know it's not a big deal. I suppose I'll fight if it really meant something to me.
Let sleeping dogs lie.
Peace.
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